Third: How To Do It

A starting point

In recent years, in order to meet the demands of the world to come, discussing the “Intelligence to Change” has gone trendy. How intelligent are we to be able to change our behaviour?

According to biomolecular scientist Estanislao Bachrach, a professor at Harvard University, and currently one of the best experts on human training, we must answer three questions.

1 — How aware are you of your willingness to change?

Many people spend their lives fighting invisible enemies, on whom they blame their inability to achieve fulfil their ambitions.

They think that it is the others who should change: their father, their spouse, their boss, their company, the government or the world. They have a tendency to convert their desires or aspirations into rights, and thus attribute their responsibilities to others. This indicates a low “Intelligence to Change” coefficient.

This is because they need to preserve meaningfulness without spending energy.

2 — Are you aware that you are the one who has to change?

Knowing human biology and its development is essential to understanding that changing is entirely up to us. This allows us to clearly see where are the brakes that prevent us from changing and why they exist.

“We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become. For it all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are in themselves.”
(Carl Jung)

The future that is of interest to us is something that can be created, using the power of our imagination and the courage to change and develop habits.

By knowing how to use our imagination and shift our focus, we will reach solutions to remove each of the obstacles we come across in our journey.

3 — Are you committed to change?

It is not easy to change without commitment.

The more commitment to change you have, the less pain you will feel during the process of change.

To achieve change, we have to expend energy. Our brain, however, is designed to save energy. Counteracting this causes discomfort, it hurts, it requires courage and the use of triggers that set off the necessary actions, without giving way to procrastination-inducing excuses.

Victory belongs to those who are willing to overcome obstacles and who have the courage to do so.

The pain of change is not a bad thing in itself. It is biologically normal, and it is much less painful than the guilt and shame felt for failing to change.

When you find and travel the path that leads to change, your body is overwhelmed by surplus energy. It is the motivation that comes from overcoming obstacles. On the other hand, if you stay in the situation you want to change for too long, you feel useless, and this leads to depression.

Living the life you have in conformity is certainly the greatest form of slavery. It is resignation, it is the opposite of courage.

4 — Do you know how to change?

It is not enough to have intentions. We need to feel inspired by a purpose to drive us forwards, in spite of fear, in spite of failure, in spite of uncertainty, in spite of pain.

When we begin a journey towards our purpose, the previously obscure path begins to reveal itself in front of us, and an ever-growing light begins to shine on it.

Success stories show that resolve is much more important than the quality of the plan.

Many people think that they should only start once they have a well-thought-out plan that shows them every step, with no room for uncertainty. The impossibility of such condition reveals itself in the fact that we will never have all the data that we could use, as well as the fact that the only certainty is that life is uncertain.

This is often the product of inspiring dissatisfaction, and it is always the product of imagining what lies ahead.

Any plan is only effective when driven by the need to get it right and driven by self-confidence.

Overcoming the challenges and threats of the journey requires imagination. This is difficult to achieve while we are within the confines of our comfort zone. But the energy of resolve frees us from it.

When we are in our comfort zone, we are dominated by the same thoughts and routines. This makes it difficult to come up with new ideas.

When we leave the comfort zone, we trigger the zone of progress, of discovery, where real opportunities begin to appear.

Strategy

Do you know what it means to have a strategy?

A strategy is the best way to get things done, to achieve your purpose.

Have you ever put together a jigsaw puzzle?

Suppose that you have chosen a landscape, a painting by your favourite painter, and you would like to see it hanging on the wall in your living room. This painting is divided into tiny pieces, millions of tiny pieces. You buy it in a huge box, with the pieces all scrambled.

This picture, hanging on the wall, represents your purpose in life. The millions of pieces represent your brain and mind. Your mission is to fit the pieces together in the right order.

As there are millions of pieces, it could take you a lifetime. You might not be able to finish it, and you might even give up.

In order to speed up the assembly process and work towards finishing your puzzle, without losing motivation and giving up, you need a plan and a strategy.

I will give you some ideas that will help.

The first idea is to have a map, represented by a photograph of the board when it is already assembled: this will help you to see how it will look like once finished, to identify the figures and the colours that need to be together.

The second idea is to have one or more models (formulas), ways of speeding up the understanding of which pieces have to go together. For example: a tree that sits next to a house, or a set of colours that stand out. But, as the picture is nonetheless large, it is easier to divide the picture into sectors (stages), as if they were smaller pictures.

This way, you will be able to understand how to work on each sector independently: to see each one finished more quickly, to feel the fulfilment of having succeeded, to be able to take a break and celebrate.

As you complete each sector (stage), you will visualise the result of your work, and this will encourage you to continue.

This is how you are supposed to work on it: by looking at the map from time to time, dividing it into sectors (stages), choosing the most striking figures in each sector by applying the models you have chosen, separating the pieces that contain parts of the same figure, colours and tones that surround them, and fitting the pieces together - this is your job.

This work can be done in many ways. It is up to you to choose the one way that best suits your approach to getting it done—your recipe, your strategy.

The systems—the processes you used—are formed from the set of choices you made to complete each set of stages, as well as the way you put them to practice.

Another example: if you want to lose 20 kilos in order to have a healthy life (purpose), knowing what you have to do to make it work (diet, exercise, etc.) is the map. The strategy that you will use consists in establishing a plan by dividing and grouping each set of actions (stage), in combination with choosing and applying models to make the plan easier to follow. This constitutes the system (process) for achieving a healthy life.

In life, having strategy is better than having things.

A 10-point strategy

In order for you to be able to change consistently, I propose the following strategy:

1. Have the courage to re-read this book more than once. With each read, you will surely notice new data and details. Surely you have seen a film, visited a place or read a book more than once. Have you read reviews of the same book by different authors? Then you know what I mean. There will always be new things that lead you to new visions and ideas. This is not because the book has changed; the same things were always there. It is not about finding things that were not there—it is about your focus casting its light on a different target, making you find something new in yourself. You feel that it is important. On the first read, in order not to lose sight of the bigger picture and not to confuse yourself, do not worry about clarifying details. Simply gather the information that suits your strategy in an orderly fashion. This is what Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren, in their book “How to read books”, called inspectional reading. Then, it will be important to move on to a second, more analytical read and, finally, to end up with a syntopical read. However, as mentioned previously, only your interest can determine the path to be followed.
2. You need not believe anything said here. Simply try it out and draw your own conclusions. Become a researcher of your own life, concentrate on observing the information presented here, and try to draw examples from your past to illustrate this information. Pick the things that might be of value when paving your road to change. If necessary, change words and adapt them to your beliefs, to your system of understanding. But once new ideas or information begin making sense in your life, write them down. They are the raw ingredients of your recipe for change. To make your work easier, look at each subject separately, and write down the things that you find inspiring or thought-provoking, as well as the things which you would like to explore in depth.
3. Write down whatever stops you from doing what needs to be done. The reasons for the things that happen to you in life. The thoughts that weaken you. The things that you felt or feel as a result. In short, identify the enemies or false friends and gradually eliminate them, until you have control over your actions.
4. Write down the questions that you need answered. Learn how to formulate the best questions. Remember that Socrates, 400 years before Christ, was already using questions as a method of learning. This has been refined over time. And now, with the possibility of using all of humanity’s knowledge to extract solutions for your problems (with the use of Artificial Intelligence tools), it is so valuable to know how to ask the right question, that perfecting it is training yourself in the most valuable profession for the future. They even call it “prompt engineering”. We all have problems to solve. But few are capable of finding the solutions. Those who master this have almost all of humanity as potential clients. Improve this process, over and over, until you get the answers that enlighten your mind.
5. Have the courage to take the time to reflect on each note written and add to it every day. Gradually put more time into it, until you reach at least an hour. Use Artificial Intelligence tools, metacognition, mind maps. Whatever it takes to make you understand each subject better.
6. Your task is not to change, but only to seek out and find all the obstacles that set you back in your change. Your task will be wherever your fears are. You will make strengths out of your vulnerabilities. In the search for the obstacles, you will identify the best paths to reach your purpose. Your task is not to try to win, but only to seek out and find all the barriers that you have built up against “winning”.
7. Create indicators to help you identify these barriers. For example: if you spend the week longing for Saturday, if you hate Monday, if you are always looking forward to your holidays, start by reflecting on this:
   ▪ What does it take to get it done?
   ▪ What is it that you do not like to do?
   ▪ What needs to change?
   ▪ What tasks make you bored?
   Consult with your oracles. In this case, your indicators are the best oracles you can consult to correct your course or strategy.
8. Build models of reasoning (habits of thinking) that allow you to anticipate scenarios. Make better choices, to find your way out of critical situations, to not speak in the heat of emotions. Have at least one model for each of the situations you wish to avoid and, if you do not have a model at hand, use phrases like “I am not at liberty to talk about that”.
9. Find ideas that inspire you. Find your own gurus. And, if you find a better one, change your guru. When you come across unfamiliar proposals, do your research; do not waste your time on finding their source; keep on looking if they are meaningless to you. Only in this way, using your own ideas, will you be able to build your models of thinking, to set your limits, to know the secrets you need to train yourself in the only discipline that will ensure you will reach any goal: wisdom. In short, this is about knowing how to effectively apply your own recipe for change.
10. The best book for your life. Let us write this book together: I will tell you about what my research has revealed to be indispensable attributes of any successful life, and you will assess your strengths and weaknesses in relation to them. To paraphrase Mario Quintana on books: “A good book is one that gives us the impression that it is reading us… and not us reading them.” This is what I propose for this work. This book is for you. It can only be written by you. Only you can be the engineer and builder of your life. Here you will simply find the materials to use in your project, and an explanation of where they come from and where they fit into your project. The rest is for you to decide.

The map

The purpose of any map goes beyond showing paths and obstacles: it reduces fear of the unknown, it allows to anticipate solutions, to overcome obstacles. In the pursuit of our goals, improvement of the “Intelligence to Change” is achieved by understanding what goes on inside us, how our biology works, or knowing where to look for the things we need.

One cannot face life and its challenges without understanding one’s own nature and what makes them different from other humans.

When we want to get to a certain address in an unfamiliar city, there are many ways of doing it: walking around and hoping to stumble by chance upon the house you are looking for, asking people you meet along the way, or checking a map of the city.

The same way that you need a map to find your way around a city, you need to know how your body and mind work, so that you can better choose how to move through life. In this sense, science facilitates understanding.

We need to know not only the main routes on our map, but also the things that help us overcome obstacles along the way, or the things that get in the way and lead us to stray afar from what suits us.

The paths can be understood as the themes shared by the various proposals of thought and science, which seek to interpret or resolve the things that happen in life, that is, which draw maps for life. The world changes, but these paths are the same as they have been for billions of years. Homeostasis is their temple. Among us, the pillars of these paths are increasingly and clearly supported by:

• Resolve
• Overcoming
• Persistence
• Discipline
• Courage
• all of the above are paved with Trust.

They are so powerful that, once trained, they change the brain, as shown by functional magnetic resonance imaging.

The main helpers, who will assist us during the training, are called:

• Commitments
• Habits and
• Routines

All this is fuelled by:

• Imagination
• Focus and
• Action

We must also be aware of the main forces that oppose or hinder our journey, such as:

• Stupidity
• Laziness
• Procrastination
• Conformity
• Perfectionism
• Inattentiveness
• Pride
• Envy
• Among others…

These forces feed on our limiting beliefs.

Even though all of the paths proposed by those who dedicate themselves to understanding life lead to the same place—that is, to a good life, to the top of the mountain, only you can choose how to walk yours. There are many resources you can use. Thus, there are many ways to get it done.

Each human is unique.

We are unique because each of us interprets the world in their own way, and each of us builds beliefs that condition their behaviour and shapes their life. Each of these interpretations is also influenced by the state of health at the time they occur, meaning periods of good health or not so much. There are many examples of this. Twin brothers raised by the same parents sometimes show antagonistic behaviours and views.

Most of these beliefs are built up in the first seven years of life.

“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

The aim of this work is to be a map, or a roadmap, explaining in simple terms what science has proven about the main paths that lead to a meaningful existence. In other words, this is about how you can learn to recognise signs that show you what you should avoid, where should you go, and how you should get to the answers and the mentors who will tell you how to walk, and what means to use, so that you may finally live relying on yourself.

Each of us shall choose the solutions that inspire the most and are most helpful to achieve the purpose.

“Most of the time, you need not a new path, but a new way of walking it.” (Bert Hellinger, psychotherapist)

It is not our intention to delve into the depths of the many topics we have covered here, because we certainly would not tend to what is essential to each person’s interests. And even if we did, we would need to write thousands of pages covering the various views and works of experts.

For this reason, we prefer to focus on what has always worked, and keep this as a map that will serve everyone, like a summary of the ideology of effectiveness. A map with paths that are known and recognised by those who have achieved their goals or studied the best way to achieve them.

A simple map, not overwhelmed with details, containing only the main routes, designed with no intent to point out irrelevant obstacles only to complicate understanding.

We have always kept in mind the principle that “among the many suitable and possible explanations for the same facts, one must opt for the simplest”, as proposed by Ockham’s Razor.

Each reader may carry out more detailed research, so as to address their own questions and satisfy curiosity, by using the words written here in bold or underline, in addition to the notes taken.

This research will bring up the names of authors who deal with these topics. Choose the ones that help you understand how to train the skills which you need to bolster.

The set of methods you adopt will constitute your recipe (your training system), which you will use to navigate the paths on the map. And then you will be able to reach your goal. Any goal.

Even though it is important to account for the quality of the sources, it is more important—essential, even—to take into account the inspiration that these sources will provide.

Finding inspiration is finding the light that illuminates the path. These are triggers (leverage points) that lead to understanding. When this happens, you should start putting the proposals into practice in your journey. Then, compare the results you get with the things you want. If they are still not satisfactory, continue your search. It is a trial-and-error exercise that requires persistence, patience and courage.

Do not go for complex and sophisticated solutions, because it will be difficult to keep something that you could not understand nor feel.

“To feel is to create. To feel is to think without ideas and, therefore, to feel is to understand.” (Fernando Pessoa)

Feeling was the first tool that the homeostatic system used for the evolution of living beings. With this tool, it developed all the other tools that allow us to be reading this book.

To learn more on this subject, you can read the book Feeling and Knowing, by Antonio Damasio, who is one of today’s leading neuroscientists.

Learning to feel is infinitely more important in life than learning to think or to know.

The tools

Because we are unique, ready-made formulas are not a guarantee of success. Each of us has their own “memes” and “beliefs”. Something that worked for some people does not guarantee success for others.

The true “science of life” lies in looking for solutions in all the knowledge available to us (regardless of whether they are philosophical, mystical or scientific proposals) and testing those that seem best to us, or those that best suit what we want (our purpose or actions).

Dive into your unconscious, interpret the feelings and emotions that arise at every moment and, rationally, discover the secrets that said feelings and emotions tell you about yourself. Look for solutions which, once converted into actions, will be the ingredients in your own recipe of “how to change”.

The best recipe is the one that can reduce the pain (necessary to the effort of changing) and increase the reward of the journey.

This recipe requires less energy to prepare than the energy it provides when consumed. This is your true “holy grail”.

When your mind comes up with excuses for not doing or postponing any action, assess the extent to which they are being influenced by unnecessary saving of energy, which prevents you from making commitments and overcoming obstacles.

If you enjoy sports, cooking, or any other activity, you know that it is not enough to have a good recipe. You have to practise it, correct it and do it again. This takes time and requires patience and persistence.

If you like yourself, invest in your own recipe, do it time and again, improve your strategies and know how to use the tools at your disposal. They are few, but they are effective.

The first and oldest one: Feelings

We need to understand the difference between emotions and feelings.

Feelings are our mind’s interpretations of what is going on inside us.

For example: hunger, cold and thirst are feelings.

When you see a snake, fear is an emotion.

Emotions

Emotions are our brain’s reactions, the main purpose of which is to help us survive.

Or as Professor Lisa Feldman explains: Emotions are comparisons that our brain draws between the situation we are facing and other similar situations we have already experienced. To do this, we use our neural network, which almost instantaneously matches our body’s perceptions to memories. We do not necessarily use the same structures, but rather a combination of them.

The emotions we have are perceived by others; feelings, on the other hand, are intimate; if you do not tell anyone, nobody will know.

According to neuroscientist António Damásio, “all these feelings and emotions have something called valence. In other words, they are not indifferent experiences, they are positive or negative, pleasant or unpleasant. This is totally revolutionary because, since it does not offer a placid and indifferent representation of the world or your inner self, it gives you a truly realistic representation. It shows you the state of your life, it tells you whether things are going well or not. If things are not going well, what you have is the opposite of happiness, which is, in fact, something you could call sadness—and sometimes depression. Therefore, it draws your attention to the vulnerability and fragility of happiness and how much you need to invest in it.”

To apply your own recipe and perfect it over time is a never-ending experiment.

It is difficult to find happiness within ourselves, but it is impossible to find it elsewhere.

Reasoning

Our reasoning must wisely monitor the application of the recipe, so that we can do what needs to be done. This means monitoring conduct and applying the strategy.

“To have integrity” is what summarises the strategy to be applied in order to achieve any goal.

Having integrity means knowing how to use these three tools:

• Congruence: the balance between what you feel and what you do. It is doing what the heart (feeling) tells you to; without this, life is a lie.
• Consistency: the balance between what you think and feel. It is keeping rationality in synchronisation with emotions.
• Coherence: the balance between what you think and what you do. It is being faithful to your commitments, objectives, personal beliefs and purposes.