Purpose, the beacon of life
A human life is not an isolated entity. It only exists when it is a journey towards a purpose.
Having a purpose means having something embedded in your being, something that is visualised, something that inspires you, gives you direction, tells you where your energy should be. It is not a goal or a wish. It is a vision that never leaves your head. It does not need to have a specific shape. It needs to be alive in your mind, it needs to be a clear image that makes you see the future as reality. It is a mental state that takes you from present to future. It is an oracle. It helps you discover the right attitudes for your journey, it helps you put up with what you dislike and it helps you take action. All this happens because the brain structures anticipate a much greater reward when you want it, when you desire it (when there is an expectation), compared to when you achieve the result.
Purpose is the beacon of your life (of the life you want to achieve). Find it!
If you do not have it yet, build it up, step by step. Start small.
Ask yourself: how would I see my life if it were exactly as I want it to be? Little by little, it will come together.
Another starting point is to remember your background, your past, and then think about the future you would like to have.
Remember that you will never be able to do whatever you want. You will do whatever you are able to imagine, visualise, believe in. That is why it is important to have purpose. No farmer would be able to plant without visualising the harvest.
Write it down in a sentence. Read it twice a day. In this way, it will gradually become part of your unconscious and guide you through life. If some word describes you better and inspires you more, add it or rewrite it. This does not mean you have to change it as if it were some endless cycle. If you pursue every single idea, you will end up losing yourself. When you feel it is clear enough, visible enough, start drawing up a plan that can take you from the life you have to the purpose you found.
Your behaviour will change automatically. Your filter, from the reticular system, incorporates a lens that will show and find everything that you need in your journey. Then, all that remains is to do what you have to do, i.e., perform the actions to reach each of the stages. When you reach each stage and perform the necessary actions, the pride you will feel will lead you to be passionate about the process, and you will not need to reach targets just to feel the reward.
A meaningful life is all about believing in something and fighting for it.
The plan
A good plan should take into account your ability to endure the pain caused by the task at hand, without having to put it off, to run away from it or to make excuses.
Challenges of manageable difficulty, as explained by the Yerkes-Dodson law, should be at a maximum of four per cent above your current capacity. You have to be realistic. It must match the criteria of the indicators you use to perceive your obstacles, as well as the limits you set for each action.
Ask yourself: what is the smallest step I can take without going backwards? If you have to go to sleep at ten o’clock at night, you are not supposed to do it any later than that. If you have to get up at five in the morning, you are not supposed to hit the snooze button when the alarm goes off.
The plan should be broken down into simple stages. In each stage, the expected result should be clearly shown once this stage is concluded, and progress should be noticeable. These are stages that gradually bring you closer to your goal. For example: if you are in the habit of going to bed at midnight, but you need to go to sleep at ten, start by switching off the light at half past eleven; after a while, do this at eleven, and so on, until you get to ten. It does not have to be perfect. It has to be feasible. It should be in line with your ability to achieve it. If you can go further, you can set the standards higher. However, avoid doing the opposite at all costs. Doing the opposite forces you to fail your commitment to action and it undermines your self-confidence.
In this case, short-term plans must address the creation of small daily challenges, with clear results, so that “getting it done” fuels the desire to continue rather than leading to suffering and surrender. This happens when the pleasure felt in achieving the result prevents pain from turning into suffering.
How to elaborate on this?
Start by planning the next day. Write it down, commit to do—and complete—all that you have planned.
After each day, think about what went well and what went wrong, and write it down. Do you need to correct any mistakes? Do you know how? If you do not know, find someone who does know, and learn from them—you will save time this way.
All the important things unbeknownst to you are secrets to be uncovered.
Gradually increase the timeframe. Plan your week, your month, your year, without losing sight of your intended destination, your purpose. Are your actions in line with your purpose? If not, reflect on the deviation and correct your focus. Always make time to reflect on your progress and feel its pleasant effect. Use creative solutions to push towards your goals and increase the pleasure you feel. This is the smart way to challenge yourself.
Remember: the important thing here is not to limit yourself to monitoring the goals. Instead, you should monitor the whole process, the system that works for you. The goals are related to the plan, and the system has to be applied to all the plans.
Responsible commitment
If commitment is the rope that ties us to each of the important actions on our journey towards our purpose, responsibility is the force that pulls the rope until we reach these actions, overcoming each obstacle with courage. Commitment turns promise into reality. It is, par excellence, the builder of trust in all its forms.
With commitment, you train each of the essential skills for a good life.
There is no compromise in commitment. If it is there, it is meant to be honoured.
Only those who are committed to action are truly free. Those who lack this commitment are doomed to mediocrity. Those who do not know what commitment is are simply wandering aimlessly.
True commitment leaves no room for excuses. This is why, before making a commitment, you have to ask yourself the question: “Am I able to honour it?” The answer depends on how you see yourself. If you hesitate when answering, there are greater chances of failing the commitment. The answer depends on how well you trust your own ability to perform the necessary tasks.
Commitment is the leverage of those who are responsible.
Those who honour their commitments are unlikely to shift blame.
Several studies have shown that lasting personal relationships are not the ones with the fewest problems, but the ones that are the result of responsible commitments.
Resolve
This is the trigger of all action. It is the best force for overcoming inertia. Make an ally out of your resolve—it is the greatest weapon against laziness, procrastination, insecurity, cowardice, weakness and uncertainty, all of which are real “killers” of any action.
Resolve is indecision overcome. It is the power of acting here and now.
The effectiveness of its application is inversely proportional to the length of time it takes to work: if you have to do it, do it. We are all capable of accepting accidental mistakes. On the other hand, it is hard to live with the guilt of having chosen to not even try.
This reduces activity in the amygdala, increases focus and brings reward. Resolve is trained by successively experiencing breakthroughs.
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Francine Shapiro, the creator of EMDR, and neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman, among others, we understand why facing challenges head-on and taking action can reduce fear and boost confidence. It's the courage to move forward and confront things directly that makes the difference."
How does one train this?
One of the most important differences between the various training systems concerns the way in which the actions are initiated.
In “behavioural” schools, everything important is set off by clear and strict triggers.
Set triggers for each of the important or urgent actions that are hard to perform. These triggers should go off in less than three seconds. Do not give your procrastination system the time it needs to argue its case.
Are you supposed to do it? Then count three, two, one, and get going!
Discipline
Having discipline means becoming better every minute. It is a daily campaign of overcoming pain and weakness, the temptation to have immediate pleasure, laziness, and procrastination. It is having the courage to resist your desires (temptations). It is doing what must be done. It is doing it consistently, improving continuously.
It is trading an immediate (ephemeral) reward for another (significant) one in the future.
Investing in it makes us masters of our own lives.
Discipline is the ability to carry out a command, however difficult it may seem.
It is about doing what must be done, at the right time. It does not allow for procrastination.
It is about getting it done, “in spite of”...
“Superior results are achieved through the disciplined management of behaviour.” (Aristotle) “Prosperous days do not come by chance; they are born of hard work and persistence.” (Henry Ford)
The freedom to not get it done, to put it off, is the slavery by guilt that follows the satisfaction felt when we save energy.
There is no better satisfaction than that which arises from delivered results, performed work and achieved victories. And when these come from disciplined actions, the satisfaction is twice greater.
When you train to the limit of your abilities and succeed, you are highly motivated. Nothing is more motivating than achieving the impossible.
If you want to have a prosperous future, learn how to discipline yourself.
Being disciplined is not a “gift”. Discipline can be achieved by training. It requires organisation, cleanliness, and punctuality as basic tenets.
How is it trained?
Discipline begins with doing small things: for example, making the bed, doing what we dislike. Carrying out tasks that we know to be educational or necessary for our growth. Organising the spaces where we live and work, creating an environment that clearly shows our efforts. Using our imagination to replace the words that make tasks seem more challenging. For instance, instead of saying “I have to get up early”, say “I’m capable of getting up early”.
Overcoming all justifications for not doing it.
Never justify your faults. There are always excuses to justify yourself, but there is also your responsibility, be it direct or indirect. When you find the perfect excuse, you are giving up power over yourself.
Our brain wants to be right. Eliminating this compulsion is the basis for opening ourselves to learning.
The soul of unhappiness is seeking to prove a point at any cost, but you cannot be right and happy at the same time, always.
Humility is trained through successive victories in overcoming the need to prove a point.
Set intermediate tasks.
You will hardly reach your goals on the first day, unless they are very small. Being disciplined is more of a “big picture” goal. Taking a step forwards forces and trains initiative, but if taking one step is too easy, take one step and a half.
Always work with a bit of discomfort. Breakthroughs yield more dividends than comfort. Exceed expectations.
Do not make exceptions for the given tasks.
If your first goal requires you to get up at a certain time on work days, do not put your alarm clock on snooze: get out of bed as soon as it goes off. Be determined.
Never forget that it is one exception after the other that makes a man whose word has no value, who has no commitment. Our brain enjoys this because it gets to save energy in this way.
Embrace discipline with joy.
Think of the benefits, visualise the results, celebrate your victories, treat yourself to a gift. Remember these moments. This practice already makes your reward system compensate you. If you want to procrastinate, procrastinate on the things that harm you and take your focus away from you.
Do the hard parts first, at the beginning of the day, while you have plenty of energy.
No reward beats the satisfaction of having overcome some seemingly impossible hardship with a disciplined attitude. You have more love for that which you achieve with effort.
Discipline is the mother of honour, commitment, value, and victory.
“Times are always hard for those who seek easy tasks.” (Eleanor Doan)
Overcoming
Overcoming are essentially craft works done within the mind. It is the science of achieving the impossible. It is the opium of a successful life.
Success in life is not measured by the successes you achieve, but by the obstacles you overcome.
It is not about having the strength to carry on. It is about actually carrying on, even when you no longer have the strength. It is about always moving forwards, even if slowly.
“Wherever there are breakthroughs, there lies a path. Life is 10 per cent what happens to you, and 90 per cent how you react to it.” (Charles R. Swindoll)
You are always wrong when you think you cannot take it anymore. Never say you cannot do it. Break through your limits. Get it done. Nobody truly knows how far you can go.
How is this trained?
- By accepting and embracing the pain caused by the situation/problem, by keeping a positive attitude through optimistic thinking.
- By educating your inner voice.
- By remembering the times when you achieved breakthroughs and learnt from adversity.
- By focusing on the solution and not just the problem.
- By setting small goals so that the results can be noticed in the short term.
- By overcoming temptations, using creativity in the most unusual situations. For example: smiling at unfriendly people, avoiding an irresistible dessert.
- By always taking a step further. Staying in control. Persisting.
A winner never walks away from a fight. He reprogrammes himself and gets back into the ring.
He finds joy in what he does. He uses his imagination to make associations with moments that have brought him joy in the past. Or he thinks about the joy he will feel when he reaches his goal.
He keeps looking until he gets it.
The reward is worth it.
Our survival system is trained to send signals of pain, thirst, hunger and exhaustion before the real limits are actually reached. Keeping energy reserves is useful for responding to possible threats. Working to gradually overcome these limits strengthens our self-confidence and increases our resilience.
Persistence
Being persistent means not giving up easily. It is believing in the outcome. It is always trying again. It means building and maintaining habits. Overcoming obstacles and discouragement.
It is being able to go from mistake to mistake, without feeling discouraged, without failing, until you succeed. It is knowing that mistakes are something to improve on, starting over in a more intelligent way. It is searching until you find the best way to do it.
Persistence is the weapon of fighters. It is the energy of “getting it done”.
Resilience
This is how quickly we are able to recover from adversity.
It results in greater resistance to the adversities that life throws our way. We are not responsible for what we have no control over, but we are responsible for the way in which we face these situations. When we do face them, we become stronger. We increase our self-confidence.
To be resilient is to focus more on actions and goals than on pain.
Greater resilience can result in fewer negative experiences, and it can also protect us against mental disorders.
According to Richard Davinson, people with greater resilience have a better connection between the amygdala and the left prefrontal cortex. They are better able to withstand frustration. They focus on the positive. They use their imagination.
Resilience is the ability to deal with problems by reinterpreting them. It is the ability to resist frustration and overcome obstacles.
Training resilience is actually learning to live.
Resilient people find balance within themselves in times of stress.
They have a positive view of themselves, and they have confidence in their abilities.
They have inner control, communicate well, make realistic plans and complete them.
They know their weaknesses and strengths, and they are able to manage them intelligently. They know how to ask for help when needed. But they nonetheless take responsibility for the outcome. They are fighters and they refuse to be victims.