Get The Data

Any programme, however simple or complex, has a starting point.

Start by knowing where you are.

If you already know where you want to go, you also need to know the starting point. This allows you to choose the best way to get where you want.

If we want to embark on a new journey, we need to do a serious personal check-up.

Firstly, to find out how we relate to ourselves and others today.

Finding these answers is a task that will yield good results if we analyse the data according to the parameters used by our ancestral biology, which determines much of our behaviour. With this diagnosis, we can plan what we need to preserve, change or learn. We become aware of details that often satisfy or bother us, but we do not know why.

This diagnosis is also important for measuring progress, so you may establish a comparison framework. This emphasises the need for self-knowledge, ordered by “feeling”.

For example, reflect and write about what emotions you feel and what you do:

• when you are angry and when you are happy;
• when you are struggling financially and when you have surplus money;
• when you meet anger and when you meet friendship;
• when you eat alone and when you eat with others;
• when you face tragedy and when you achieve victory;
• when you wish to win the affection of others and when you wish to distance yourself from them;
• when you wake up and when you go to bed;
• when you work and when you finish work;
• when you help and when you are helped;
• when you have problems and when you find solutions;
• when you listen and when you are listened to;
• when you defend yourself and when someone defends you;
• when a friend tells you about his success and when he tells you about his failure;
• when a friend loses and when a friend wins;
• when a friend does not deliver on their promise and when they do deliver.

Then, look at your skills.

What skills do you have, which allow people to acknowledge your talent?

There are two types of skills that we must train: those we need in order to handle ourselves, and those we need in order to handle others.

The first type of skill includes:

• Imagination and curiosity, as tools for transformation.
• Analysis of routines and habits, so that they can be reconfigured effectively.
• Awareness of the emotions that we feel, of which moments and emotions we find difficult to control.
• Awareness of the limits of your ability to deliver.
• Trustworthiness, both in the things we do and in the concern, integrity and fairness that we demonstrate on a daily basis.
• Flexibility, in order to adapt to unexpected situations.
• Courage, to go beyond what we expect of ourselves.
• Focused attention and trained reaction, for the moment when the opportunity arises.

The second type of skills includes:

• Attentive listening and the habit of trying to understand others.
• Sincere interest in the concerns of others.
• Knowledge to analyse the forces at work in your environment—who exerts influence; who makes the decision; who does the thinking; who destroys things; who only pretends to be doing what they are supposed to.
• Knowledge to ask the right questions that identify the interests and needs of each of the components of the universe in which you find yourself.
• Recognition of the importance of each person, with the attempt to meet and exceed their expectations.
• Willingness to help others achieve their goals by teaching them to define these goals clearly, to make the plan and to execute the plan.
• Willingness to help create role models and foster an environment that favours motivation.
• Constant development of forms of persuasion.
• Guidance and/or training in negotiation practices.
• Guidance and/or training in control and feedback practices.

The Beacon in your Life

By setting yourself a higher goal, a purpose, you light a beacon in your life.

Write down your dream. Just as if it were a masterpiece. Do not miss the details.

A lighthouse has to cast a focused, sharp and strong light, so that it can be seen from afar.

• How will you feel once you reach this goal?
• How will you be seen?
• Where will you be? With whom?
• Make this description as real as possible.
• Then summarise it. This is a difficult task.

The summary should contain all the essential elements of your description.

A summary is easier to memorise. Besides, the more vividly you picture your passion, the more fuel you will draw from the fire of motivation.

This description will serve to consolidate the greater goal in your mind. The resulting self-suggestion is one of the most powerful ways of paving your path.

A survey of more than 18,000 people in the United States on personal success has shown that:

90 per cent of these people considered themselves to be failures. They lacked specific objectives. They did not like what they did.

The 5 per cent who achieved victory not only had the goals, but the plans to achieve these goals.

When all seems Lost

Of all the hardships I have endured in my life, there was a particularly important one. On a certain summer’s day, I joined a team of friends who found in fishing their favourite pastime.

We left Florida at night and headed out to sea. Four hours later, we were ready for action. The bait was thrown into the sea. What followed was a hustle and bustle of hooked fish, interspersed with stories of previous fishing trips—of dubious credibility.

We lost track of time. Suddenly, it was night. Large, thick clouds approached us. The sea level rose in a matter of minutes.

The boat, as big as it was, was ridiculously reduced to insignificance by the elements of nature.

We could not move, no matter how much power the engine put out. I was terrified.

Night fell. We were definitely low on fuel. With my mind dwelling in rare topics, at such a time of calm, I saw a faint, intermittent light on the horizon, in the distance.

It was a beacon. That beacon lit up our hopes like an outstretching hand, ready to pull us out of that cauldron. It eased our breathing. It corrected our course.

Later, reflecting on what happened, I built a stronger concept out of the importance of having a lighthouse in life. This is something that gives us safety. It encourages us to keep going when we are faltering. It inspires us and clearly shows us where we are going. This often means the difference between success and failure.

The Hardworking Settler

John Herbert was running a thriving business in an African colony when he was caught off-guard by a sudden turn of events. He was forced to leave the country.

The desire to protect his family gave him the idea of leaving behind a life of sleepless days in construction work and taking up residence in distant lands. But, as it usually happens to any potential change, the fear of failure struck his idea and prevented the materialisation of such a dream.

After eight days of hesitation, between the need for new directions and the fear that called for inertia, John sat down and listed on a sheet of paper everything he could do for a living.

The list got bigger. As did his self-confidence.

After filling two pages with notes, he decided to order the listed activities, according to his preferences and abilities.

It was clear that he would make a living in multiple ways. It was clear that he would be willing to accept even the worst scenarios listed there.

Two hours later, the impatience of longing for a new start swept away all thoughts of failure that clouded his ability to decide.

John Herbert is now one of England’s most successful industrial entrepreneurs. And he regrets not having left Africa 20 years earlier.

Who made a Mark on your Life?

If you wish to be special, work on the behaviours prized by others.
You should not have a price. You should have value. Make it real.

Can you remember the names of the last three Olympic marathon winners? What about the Nobel Prize winners? Can you name humanity’s five greatest philosophers? No?

You are not alone. Unless any of these questions concern your field of expertise, you will not remember these names. They are not considered important to you.

Now, ask yourself the following questions. Which of your friends helped you through difficult times? Who was your first love? Who was your best teacher? The answers will easily come to mind.

We see value in people according to criteria influenced by remarkable events in our lives. These are objective criteria, even though the circumstances in which they are applied may vary.

Achieving a goal involves charming a large number of people.

Who is in your Dreams?

Who should be the target of my charm?

Until the 1970s, individuals, businesses and organisations were managed on the basis of whatever was considered to be good by technicians, scientists, intellectuals or politicians.

Everyone knew everything about everyone. People had value because of the position they held, the academic record they boasted, or the fortune they amassed.

And then what? Who are the important people?

The important people are all those who have a part in your life project.

Many rely on a guessing game to figure out who they need to please. Others make good use of specific methods to identify the important people in their lives.

Which of the two approaches suits you? Is it the second one?

In this case, list the people who have or will have a part in your life project.

Whatever your “ultimate goal” is, achieving it will require you to charm a large number of people with whom you must live, co-operate or work. Relatives, friends, employees, superiors, vendors and so on.

Think of all those who directly or indirectly influence your well-being or success.

It does not matter how big the group is. You must get to know all individuals in this group. You must serve all of them.

Next, answer these questions:

Consider the needs of the people in your list. Will you be able to meet these needs?

Will you receive an adequate reward for it, be it emotional or material?

If you can answer “yes” to these questions, then your list has the correct names.

Your success will be determined by how careful you are in making your choices.

How do other people see You?

If we know how most people see us, we will be able to work on our qualities and thus be seen by others as individuals or professionals who truly make a difference.

If we know this, we can manage these expectations in order to meet or exceed them.

Researchers at Texas A&M University have concluded that, if you wish to make a difference, you must:

• Give people individualised and sincere attention, being helpful and receptive, and promptly answering those who contact you.
• Know what you are doing and pass on that knowledge, inspiring confidence and safety.
• Be polite.
• Deliver on your promises, safely and accurately.
• Dress yourself appropriately, have good hygiene and keep a good appearance.

If we take this study into account, we can rank the attributes that build “charisma”, by order of importance. These principles apply to both your professional and personal lives.

They are parameters. You can boost your ability to charm others by working to better understand these parameters.

If you wish to be a winner, work tirelessly on the qualities prized by others.

How do you rate Yourself?

Recently, a behavioural expert conducted a survey to find a few things out.

How people see themselves in relation to others:

• 85% think they are above average.

How they rate their ability to get along with others:

• 100 per cent think they are in the top 10 per cent.

How they rate their ability to lead:

• 70 per cent think they are good leaders; two per cent consider themselves to be below average.

How men rate their athletic abilities:

• 60 per cent think they are good; six per cent think they are below average.

If similar research were to be carried out in our own relationship cycles, the results would surely be different. But not very different.

Human beings seek to know everything, from elements of the universe to their neighbours. But they refuse to know themselves

Evaluating yourself well requires consulting your oracles, i.e., your personal dictionary. This dictionary should include, among other things, lists of:

• your strengths and weaknesses (what you have and what you need to meet your own expectations and the expectations of the people in your life);
• your values;
• your virtues;
• your beliefs;
• your thresholds for every pain or pleasure, which guide your behaviour;
• habits and habit cycles (routines);
• a list of idioms, because idioms summarise things that have been effective throughout the ages and, as a result, are reliable.

Assessing yourself and working on the continuous improvement of your oracles allows you to set a more efficient plan of action. It shortens the journey and reduces the effort required to achieve a good life.

To decide on what to include in this plan, you need criteria. These criteria should start with “feeling”, with what you feel when you reach out to your “self-confidence”, asking it “will I be able to do this in due time and not go back?” The same applies when you reach out to your self-esteem and ask “is this in line with my integrity—with what I think, feel and do?”

The result of your self-assessment is the starting point of a safe path.

The path from the life you live to the life you wish to live.